NOT THE BEARD ! So it seems , it had to die, I mourned my loss and then went to my job interview. I think my friends especially Elena reveled in my pain. haha. I look good though. Then on the radio I hear beards are the sexiest thing these days, hahaha. Its colder in the world now , but I like it , I like it allot, and Iam becoming more of my self, and leaving the past behind my shoulders, shedding skin like a snake , and I shout in the silence.
Dam this should not touch me. Casual, its confusing its not clean. I take parts or your body and play, I play and devalue the pristine. Given , no give and take, thats the beauty these boys will choose to brake. You wonder why there is that feeling , that pit in the stomach and the open darkness coming throughout the ceiling. Seriously man, don’t you love her , don’t you have a plan. DONT TOUCH ME , don’t touch me like that! Has turned into please, Please love me with your Attack. Your so sick , you don’t even know, wanting to be turned on as you kill each others glow. Clubs and walls and lights go down, your maker, can barely take the weight of that type of frown. Skin that comes and rubs so raw, the weekend blurs as you hit the drops and you fry , pretend like your flying high so KA Kaa. You sick , your that sick, sick as the virus thats in you, sick as the feeling of not actually loving any one , that takes your blood from ever turning blue. So we stay dark and black , and completely stranded from what is true.
It seems i can not write, I can not touch that some thing that is so bright , the music in my head, passing through my ears like an ocean , free write, free self, finally spoken. The world does not care, that is why I have to scream, and yet the ones who support me like to keep me skinny keep me skeletal keep me lean. Don’t do that, don’t you know what you are supposed to be doing. Well then fine, keep me in a cage and my soul its looming. Like a big black cloud in a cage, my color is choking, and its not choking like wine that needs to age. Crystal cages are nice you see, you can look right through them and you don’t even know you have to flee. Can you write, or will you not let me? Can I write , or do I have to ask you , ask you what I can be? The music you take it , and tell me its not right. Your words say some thing, while your actions just make me want to run and I get lost in my own fright. But don’t worry, you know whats best, not that you have taken time to get to know me , until you or I are dead, and one of us can finally rest.
A NOSTALGIC TRIP TO OREGON, PHOTOGRAPGHS TAKEN BY KARIN E WESBO
Today is Yom Hashoah. A day set aside to remember the 2 million lives during the Holocaust A day to remember the horror that happened to the Jewish people. At 10 o clock a wailing siren haunted the air for two minutes…a moment of silence was issued as this sound echoed across the land..It was like a waling from the hearts of the people.. a sadness. Yulia a Jewish Russian said something I will never forget…after this moment passed she told the story of her grandfather surviving through the time of oppression in Russia and she said the motto of Israeli school and military is We Will Never Forget…she looked up at us and said this but we will forgive because of Yeshua,
Holocaust Remembrance Day (Yom HaShoah)
Yom HaShoah is a national holiday in Israel, commemorated by speeches by the President and Prime Minister at Yad Vashem, the lighting of six torches by Holocaust survivors, prayers by the chief rabbis and two minutes of silence across the nation. While other countries have their own Holocaust days as well, many Jews around the world also observe the day at home and at important historical sites.
WHERE A STAR OF DAVID TOMORROW ! TO SCHOOL , TO THE STORE , Any WHERE , Just REMEMBER, remember.
Your so busy, you busy busy little bee. you fly around, you can barely see, the guitar likes to strum , strum and strum away. Pollen and flowers, petals and sea. You busy , busy little bee. Your eyes look, your eyes take in , the world it seems to much , so little , so unseen, you fly and fly so quick, were did you take a brake , were did you learn to breath. Spreading the pollen , spreading your self so thin, where are the others, were is your nest, bees don’t loose there home ever, but you have done your best. Seeming important, seeming so sure, organizing a garden into sections, yet it turns into a blur. Busy, BUSY , BUSY LITTLE BEE, you buzz buzz buzz at the Sun you buzz at the sea. The waves come up you fly over and over again, where is the pasture, where will you begin. The weeds they whack your side, the thistles they take your flowers they take and hide. You fly , you fly little busy bee, your so quiet you can barely be. The flowers back home they fall, and friendly , where did the pollen go , where is there honey. You where so busy, your spent, you are so busy, you went. Flying into the trees, the Forrest is dark as the rays of an eclipse, the wind chimes clang, they call, there you are , you finally , you finally came. You busy , busy little bee. Cant you find your place and smile, free from frantic, free from fright. Bang your wings , and buzz, so , so bright. Little , little bee.
Zombies attack the back end of my car. I smile as there hands scrape the back of the glass. Rattling I pound the window back, this is a part of the new me. They laugh as they can As I can to , there is a girl left behind, on the street in the night. Distant as the dust in the pyramids , I will find secrets out, find the secrets in my self. She might be still standing there in the night. I left it all behind , all that I could All that she would take. There has been to much maybe, my voice did not hesitate. The fog of her family confuses and makes a chaos, yet I love them like there mine , my brothers, I like to eat french fries with allot of sauce. This college campus, I survive, attacks on me , oh you think your gay, man Iam not for you not today. I play cello in a class, a concert coming way to fast. I got away in that car and I left my voice striking the ceiling in the air , just for her to hear. See I was to scared , her looking at me , smiling, the closest thing we shared were tiny seconds that could barely be seen. But they were there. I will have that girl a year ago, in my chest she will grow. Head on my shoulder memorizing my smell, I was my self, there was nothing I was trying to sell. Worrying about what every one else thinks, making it dramatic trying to plug up all the leaks. You cant keep a mermaid in a leaky bath tub, you need to kiss her and drop her in an ocean, and see if she comes back to you. My naked body tingles in the morning due. I stay here and make my stand. This will be my creed my promise land. Not living for her, but living my life. I laugh , Ive all ways been living for some one elses plight. Hold that hand , by a river in the sand. She slept and she sang , she cried and was never the same. I was my self and so was she. That can never be taken , except to the sea.
So I will be here, I will be there, I follow dreams and commit to care, the things in my heart that I have not let grow , but have all ways been there.
I can’t tell as soon as I start. That clenched feeling that I did not have before. It grabs and chokes and then lets me alone, I dangle there in a space I don’t like and my words have not flown.
If you ever find yourself without a reason to live, try to imagine what will happen when you die. Your body with become infested with worms, your nails and hair with continue to grow and you will be more ugly than any thing on earth. You think people will remember you? Think again. Suicide isn’t a…